If you were to ask me at what point I started comparing myself to other girls, I couldn’t tell you other than I was very young. What I can tell you is that I felt compared to a lot.
I remember girls commenting on the clothes I would be wearing, my big ‘ugly’ bangs, and crooked teeth. I was never compared to in a good way, I was always used to make others feel better about themselves and this caused me to start looking at myself and comparing myself to others.
The good thing is that now I know better because I have since learned the truth about myself, but when I was young I had the misunderstanding that a lot of others have which is the idea of needing to be accepted by others and that there were requirements that needed to be met in order to be accepted, and if you didn’t meet those requirements then you just weren’t good enough.
The simple idea of this that so many people struggle with, frankly, scares me.
Comparing ourselves to each other can lead to so much emotional turmoil and baggage and it distracts us from seeing all that is within us and the beauty around us.
Now I am not saying I am perfect with this. Unfortunately, so many things in our world program us to compare and its hard to avoid, but with the knowledge of truth, we can at least have the opportunity to adjust our thought process and avoid being sucked into the dangerous cycle of comparing.
So I am going to share with you the scary truths that comparing yourself to others can lead to and most importantly how to avoid them.
The Scary Truth Of Comparing Revealed
First off I want to make it understood that I don’t think there is ever a positive in comparing yourself to others.
Some might argue that there is, in the case of believing that there is something greater and more rewarding for you because you have seen it in someone else and that comparing to a role model can motivate you to get farther than you could. But honestly, I think that’s crap, and let me tell you why.
My point here is not to bring you down or to tell you that you can’t be inspired by others, but when we are talking about comparing, we are referring to measuring ourselves to another person and doing that is just unhealthy. Why would you measure yourself to someone who has different strengths, abilities, journey through life and is a completely different person than you? You are capable of so much because of what is within you, not because of what you saw in someone else.
So what does comparing yourself lead to? Let’s find out.
Idolizing & Being Fooled
I have talked in the past how social media is nasty for enabling people to create this picture perfect life for all to see that looks completely flawless. I get why you might not want to show the unglamorous side of your life on social media, but by not seeing the unmade-up side of life that people live, you can easily begin to believe that your life should look as perfect as everyone else’s does and that because yours doesn’t look that way that there is something wrong with it and you must change it.
There is an addiction aspect added to this issue as well, that people become obsessed with seeing all that someone is putting out there for the world to see and you have to see every new thing they post and share. All of a sudden the person is turning from someone who inspired you to someone you idolize and value higher than anyone one else. You are not seeing all of the human sides to the person so they become almost godly to you, which is not good or healthy.
In this day and age, we are seeing more people living through the lives of others through social media than living and experiencing the world themselves.
Losing Sight Of Whats Important
Have you ever lost a friend to jealousy? Most girls do, either you were jealous of something they had so you felt not worthy of hanging out with them, or they were jealous of something that you had so they stopped being your friend.
Either way, it probably felt bad and that is because comparing to one another became more important than what really should have mattered – friendship.
Comparing to one another creates bitterness and that is one of the easiest ways to drive a relationship apart. In the end, what’s more important to you, relationships or making a point about what you have or don’t have?
When you find yourself comparing to a life someone else is living and you wish you were there, you probably aren’t thinking about the journey that they went through to get there and how long it took. The thing is that the journey is so important and when you are comparing its easy to lose sight of that.
Forgetting Who You Are
When I scroll through Instagram and I see so many made up girls, I find it sad when I realize that I have no idea what they look like under all the fake tans, hair extensions, false eyelashes and makeup.
Once I was watching a beauty YouTuber who mentioned that she didn’t even remember what she looked like without all of that stuff. Basically, she had become a completely different person.
The problem with comparing yourself and only seeing all that you don’t have that someone else does is that it makes you look at yourself harshly under a microscope and causes you to want to make changes. Once you start its hard to stop and before you know it you are completely changed.
You were made the way you were for a reason. Becoming a clonelike version of someone else takes away from the special qualities that you have.
Giving Up Before You’ve Started
I have seen it far too often that girls and women who believe they are not beautiful, give up passion and desire to live their best life because why should they bother when they are not worth anything? I wish I could talk to each one of those girls to help them see their worth.
Comparing yourself to others lessens your sense of self-worth and the more you do this the harder it is to get out of the negative self-talk and self-loathing.
Depression & Mental Health Struggles
As mentioned above, comparing to one another can lessen your sense of self-worth.
The biggest issues that are seen in those with a low sense of self-worth are mental health struggles. This includes depression, anxiety, eating disorders and substance abuse.
When you are constantly comparing or being compared to it can trigger depression because you feel as though there is nothing you can do to be worthy of acceptance. You are reminding yourself over and over all that you don’t have and it becomes an incredible burden on your mind.
The scariest part of it all is that if the depression isn’t dealt with it can cause someone to want to commit suicide.
*If you are struggling with any mental health issues I have some great resources through here that you can refer to for support.
How To End The Comparing Cycle
These tools are going to help you reduce the amount of comparing that you may do, allow you to understand your worth and will allow you to catch yourself when you are comparing so that you can quickly stop and remind yourself of why it’s a bad habit to get into.
By knowing the truth about yourself you can truly discover what you are capable of without comparing yourself to anyone. You won’t be limiting yourself by using someone else as the standard to work towards and you can create your own story to inspire others by.
Learn The Truth
In this post, I talk about how I can know my worth through what God says about me. He tells us that we are made with unique and individual purposes.
1 Peter 4:10-11 God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.
You were designed perfectly just the way you are and God loves you for being you. If you find yourself comparing, remind yourself that you were given every trait, talent, passion and purpose with great thought and you were meant to do something great with all that you have been given. If you find yourself starting to compare you can turn to HIS word and learn the truth and beauty behind why you are special just the way you are.
Let God Lead The Way
He draws the path for our lives and maybe he doesn’t intend for us to always have what we think we want, but by following the path he laid out for us we can live content because he knows whats best for us.
When you are struggling with comparing, remind yourself that God has great plans for you and is taking you on a journey that is far greater for your life than the journey of someone else’s.
Refer back to your life’s values and focus your energy there instead of what is making you feel bad about yourself. Studies show that the only true way to boost your self-esteem and have a more positive mindset is to dedicate your time and energy to what you value most in your life.
What are your values in life? Not sure? Grab my FREE self-discovery guide to learn more about your heart.
Celebrate The Differences
When you notice that you are comparing yourself to others and it’s making you feel bad or jealous, try to remind yourself that each person has a purpose and celebrate the differences that they have from you. Remember that as much as you might want what someone else has, there is always someone wanting what you have.
Something that helped me a lot when I started this process was to give compliments. If I first compared myself to someone and realized that I was feeling jealous because of something they had or were experiencing, I would ask myself why I wanted it. Usually, they had something I thought was pretty on them and made them look good or I admired the way they went about something, but as soon as I realized what I liked about it, I began saying it out loud to the person by giving them a compliment. It made me feel so good inside to be able to make that person feel good and then I could move on from thinking about it instead of letting it cloud my mind and make me feel bad because I didn’t have it.
There are much better feelings that come from focusing on loving others, being caring, humble, generous, and being selfless. Remember that it is totally okay to be inspired and learn from others and their stories and you can implement tips into your life that worked for others but make sure that it first aligns with your values and what God wants for you.
Pray For The Answers
When you are struggling with insecurities or accepting aspects of yourself, asking God through prayer to remind you of the truths about yourself, is an easy way to stop comparing at the moment. God wants us to turn to him, especially in our struggles. He wants to walk with us and reveal the truth about ourselves so that we can live content in HIM.
Sometimes, simply turning to him and asking for strength and comfort through the negative feelings is the best thing you can do to help you when you are comparing to others.
In what ways do you find yourself comparing, and what’s your favourite way to overcome it?